Thursday, August 20, 2015

A Little Bit of Mommy Guilt

Hey hey hey!

This morning I took Sage to the sitter before going to work.  He was having a bit of a rough morning and just wanted someone to stay by his side.  He’s got another molar coming in.  I got him breakfast and gave him as much cuddles as I could and then my husband was playing with him while I got ready for work.  Mornings can be tough because I generally only have an hour to get ready before I need to get out the door, which is hardly enough time.  There’s getting Sage up and ready, making sure the diaper bag is set, packing food for the day (and that takes a lot more thought now that it isn’t just milk), I need to make myself look work appropriate, Sage often has more than one diaper change, Jax needs to be fed… The hour goes by in a blur.  I’m generally walking out the door with Sage in one arm and my protein shake in the other, and my husband is either already gone or rushing around trying to get himself out the door as well.  I have yet to get a workout in before the workday, but it’s a goal.  I just need to get up earlier.  Easier said than done…

So, I brought Sage to the sitter and I know he loves it there.  His sitter has two kids that Sage adores and they love him.  However, Sage is now at the age where he knows that him going there means that I’ll be leaving.  The majority of mornings he just starts playing as soon as we get there and I easily slip out, but boy did he know what was happening this morning!  As soon as I started to leave he starting crying looking right at me and my heart sunk.  It felt terrible.  The thing is I know this is normal for kids and my sitter confirmed that he was a happy guy within five minutes of my leaving, but still!  I felt crappy driving to work this morning with his look of sadness embedded in my memory.  That’s mommy guilt.  Because even though I know my working actually hugely benefits him and his life, it doesn’t mean there aren’t tough moments.  Instead of walking out the door when he was crying, I wanted to run back, scoop him up and hug him.  But I’d never get to work if I had done that. 

When I picked Sage up in the afternoon he was a happy guy.  That molar was still giving him grief, but he's a trooper.  He had dinner and my husband and I ate in shifts.  I then gave Jax another bath (yup, the skunk smell was still lingering) and Sage played with daddy.  It quickly became bathtime for Sage and my husband put him to sleep while I did laundry and cleaned the kitchen.  Ok, I cleaned enough of the kitchen that it only looks like a mild disaster now.  

I’m sharing this today because I’m trying to get back in the habit of posting regularly.  I used to blog daily and I like sharing real life.  It’s what I can relate to when I read other bloggers’ posts.  I think it’s easy to paint a picture that life is perfect as a blogger.  In the spirit of authenticity, you’ll be seeing more posts like this.

What do your workweek mornings look like?

1 comment:

  1. I like posts of this nature, the realness, as we all know that real real life isn't roses all the time.

    This morning I have about the same amount of time as you to get ready and get everyone out the door. I have a 11 month old and a 3 year old that were both cranks this morning. The 11 month old is teething fierce (all four top teeth coming at once) and just wants cuddles all day but I know the sitter can't do that as she has other kids to look after Good thing it is friday!